Enough about Kasab, please

It isn't news that our news publications seem to be suffering from an escalating lack of imagination and increasingly warped perspective. But the continuing manic obsession with terrorist Mohammed Ajmal Amir Kasab, for all the wrong reasons, is downright ridiculous. I have no quarrel with the media reporting on Kasab's trial relating to the terror attacks in Mumbai on November 26 last year. That is news and people would like to know how things are progressing. But all the rest is completely unnecessary.

Some front pages this morning have reports about the young Pakistani - the only terrorist taken alive after Mumbai's 60-hour nightmare in 2008 - pining for a rakhi! Apparently he felt left out after seeing cops, lawyers and prison guards sporting colourful rakhis (threads that sisters tie on the wrists of their brothers). He asked his lawyer if anyone would do him the honour. The lawyer shared this little tid-bit with the press, which promptly lapped it up. Who needs a PR agency when the Indian press is so willing to oblige?

There's more just from this morning. Apparently Kasab very helpfully offered to sketch the faces of two other terrorists, also wanted for the 2008 attack, whose pictures the Indian police do not have on file. And he handed over childish doodles to the expectant cops. What on earth did they expect?!! Disappointed cops and prison authorities have now dismissed the sketches as "completely useless" and decided not to hand them over to the judge trying Kasab. The report further enlightens us on how the Pakistani was given paper and pencil for the sketches and then watched "extra closely" to ensure he didn't hurt himself with the writing tool.

The Indian Express quotes an unnamed prison official as saying: "Although he is not a sketch artist, we were expecting him to make a serious effort to draw the two faces. However, when he gave us the sketches we did not know what to say. He had drawn doodles like a small child. The drawings do not resemble actual faces by any stretch of the imagination and are completely useless."

I ask again, what the hell did you expect?!! That this young, misguided killer is a closet Van Gogh?

These are just the latest in a series of such absurd reports. We've read before about Kasab getting bored in prison (well, d-uh!) and asking for books to read. According to reports he has been reading books on magic (probably hoping to spirit out of Arthur Road Jail) and the autobiography of Mahatma Gandhi. We were also informed when he asked for permission to take a stroll outside his solitary confinement cell. And when he requested an Urdu newspaper, toothpaste and a bottle of perfume.

Now I've been in the print news business for quite a while, so I am aware that papers need what are called human-interest stories. But human-interest reports are meant to tug at a reader's heart, stirring compassion and empathy. Why on earth would you want to do that for a man who killed several innocent Indians in cold blood? And, even if you think it necessary for some strange reason, why on the front page?

On the night of November 26, 2008, a group of young men landed on Mumbai's shores after setting sail from Pakistan some days earlier. They had orders to randomly kill as many people as possible and were talked through the barbaric operation by their minders in Pakistan. The final toll of Mumbai's ordeal was 170. Kasab was one of those killers. Please let's remember that and not - even unwittingly - try to humanise this monster.

Truth be told

So our parliamentarians are outraged yet again. This time it's a stupid television programme that has their jocks in a bunch. Sach ka Saama, the recently launched Indian version of the ridiculous American show Moment of Truth, has our enlightened representatives agonising over the future of Indian culture and morals.

The show basically has people answering a set of 21 questions that progress from the mundane to the increasingly embarrassing and personal in the hope of making some quick cash. In India prize money is Rs. 1 crore (just over 200,000 USD). This is how it works. Aspiring contestants have to submit to a polygraph test where they are asked several questions. When they actually appear on the show, they are asked questions picked from the same set of queries and their answers are tallied against responses in the lie detector test.

I have watched a few episodes of the Moment of Truth and could never understand how people willingly made complete asses of themselves on prime time television and tore their families asunder just to win some money. Questions relating to professional ethics could be very uncomfortable and those relating to fidelity were downright cruel. And yet people queued up to appear on the show! The smug Indian in me dismissively shook the head because it fit in with the popular global perception of Americans.

Truth be told, I was a little shocked to discover a few weeks ago that India was now to have its own version of the show. It shook my belief that to an Indian, family comes first. But then I suppose one has to acknowledge the emergence of a new breed of Indian to whom cash is king. I am also a firm believer in the principle of laissez faire, so I was curious to see how this would pan out. If people don't mind endangering conjugal harmony in the hope of easy money, more power to them.

Not surprisingly, Sach ka Saama has hit a roadblock in its very first week. Members of the Rajya Sabha (the upper house of Indian parliament) are up in arms over its "obscene content" and the broadcast ministry is reportedly considering throwing the book at Star Plus (a channel desperately trying to shore up ratings after its bouquet of soap operas fell out of popular favour) for apparently violating the content code. What's really stirred the cauldron is a married woman being asked if she has ever considered adultery. She said no, but the polygraph ruled she was lying through her teeth.

Now what's the point of taking the TV station to task? If there are asinine people who voluntarily go on the chopping block to satisfy India's newly acquired insatiable voyueristic appetite, let them go hang. They walked into this with their eyes wide open.

And what's this about Indian culture yet again? Are you saying that no married Indian woman has ever fantasised about having a fling, if not actually gone ahead and had one? Come on people! Why is it that everything is fine as long as it's not discussed in the open? Has this country never witnessed infidelity? And don't try to brand this an urban phenomenon triggered by the degradation of values under the influence of the crass West. You know just as well as I do that this doesn't just happen in big cities. And none of this is new.

So let Sach Ka Saama run its course and die a natural death. Believe me, it'll happen. People will fairly soon tire of watching skeletons tumbling out of closets. Just leave it be, because you'll just appear hypocritical trying to shut it down under the guise of high Indian morality.

Frisk farce

I find more than a little ridiculous the Indian leadership's collective outrage on former president A.P.J. Abdul Kalam being frisked by employees of an American airline at Delhi airport. What's the fuss about? Isn't he just another world citizen, subject to procedures designed to keep us all safe in the skies? What's more, the man in question didn't seem to find anything offensive in being asked to take his shoes off and being swept with a metal detector.

Explain to me, how is this a slight to out national honour? The reactions have ranged from the melodramatic to downright mischievous. Civil Aviation Minister Praful Patel has reportedly called the act "absolutely unpardonable". Congress party's Jayanti Natarajan has dubbed it an incident of national humiliation and gone as far as to recommend that Continental Airlines services to India be scrapped till those responsible are punished. Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) leader Arun Jaitley claims we bend over backwards to pamper our state guests (which I agree with to an extent) while Indian VIPs are subjected to humiliating security measures the world over. The Marxists, of course, have again taken the cake. Sitaram Yechury of the Communist Party of India (Marxist) has reportedly suggested that the Indian government investigate whether the former president was frisked because he is a Muslim!

Was Kalam's a singular experience among passengers of the Continental flight from New Delhi to Newark? Highly unlikely. Did Continental staff ask only those passengers with Muslim names to step aside for frisking? They might be able to do that in the United States, but I can't imagine a foreign airline trying to pull such a stunt on Indian soil. Besides, people, Kalam isn't the least bit bothered or offended!

This Indian obsession with wresting special treatment at all costs is just annoying. Actually it's no surprise that these reactions are streaming out of Delhi, a city notorious for its "jaanta nahi mein kaun hoon (don't you know who I am?)" culture. Every has been, is and wannabe in our national capital aspires to VIP treatment.

Kalam WAS our president. He is now an ordinary citizen. He has earned the respect he deserves not just from the nominal office he held but for his scientific work and as a national motivator. If Continental staff were brazenly discourteous to him, I would take strong objection. But a security check isn't disrespect. It's common sense. And former leaders the world over would be well advised to submit to them in order to set a good example.

Surely the Indian leadership can find more worthy causes for outrage and action? How about the agony of millions of farmers whose crops are withering on parched fields across northern India? Or the billions of rupees being wasted on erecting statues of egomaniacal leaders? How about expending some of that misdirected energy on making sure our defence personnel are better looked after as we reminisce as a nation a decade after the Kargil war with Pakistan? Please stop wasting your breath. You're on our payroll and we'd like to see more responsible use of your time for a change.

Thanks, Mr. Zardari

Thank you Mr. Asif Ali Zardari. Other than for marrying the charismatic Benazir Bhutto, history will now remember you for admitting at long last that Pakistan has been nurturing terrorists as part of deliberate national strategy. At least Indian historians will. Your nation might now plead with the world to put your remarks of July 7 in the context of the situation in Afghanistan after Soviet withdrawal, but few are buying that line.

The Indian press has, understandably, pounced on those few words you uttered while addressing former civil servants in your country. Your statement was front page news on all Indian dailies on Thursday, July 9. Because finally there is something we can throw back at a world that for decades has been unwilling to openly back us when we say most of the worst terror strikes on Indian soil have had their roots in Pakistan.

Incidentally, and not surprisingly, the Pakistani press has been uncharacteristically silent on the issue.

Was it a gaffe, Mr. Zardari? Or are you actually trying to set things right? Just a few days ago you had reportedly admitted in an interview that militants were, in the past, considered "strategic assets". What's going on? Is someone twisting your arm? Holding a gun to your head? Why these sudden bursts of conscience?

Whatever the reason, we as a nation are thankful. Hope the world will now recognise just how these subversives your nation has bred have left India bleeding. We have reportedly lost 60,000-70,000 lives to militancy since the 1980s. Punjab, Kashmir, the Northeast - wherever discontent surfaces, your "strategic assets" have fuelled the fire and taken an unacceptably heavy toll.

We hope that your public acknowledgement of responsibility as a nation (yes, many of us see it that way) will mark the beginning of the end to this inhuman strategy.

Death by burger

Okay, this may be late, but only now have I learnt of the existence of a culinary monstrosity called the Quadruple Bypass Burger in the U.S. After seeing pictures of this 8,000-calorie horror in a newspaper here this morning, I was just too curious. I had to google it. What I found astounded and amused me in equal measure.

Available at the very appropriately named Heart Attack Grill in Chandler, Arizona, the father of all burgers has 19 layers that include two pounds (nearly a kilogram!) of beef in four thick patties. I use the masculine here because the restaurant management claims only a real man would dare to take on the challenge of wolfing down this artery-clogging sandwich. Also squashed into this voluminous burger are three layers of cheese, four bacon rashers, lettuce and tomato. One site claimed someone called Joey Chestnut had finished a Quadruple Bypass Burger in 1:42, not mentioning any unit of time. I hope that's in hours but have a nasty suspicion it's minutes. How can anyone possibly do that?!! You have got to have a death wish to even attempt such a feat.

That's not all. To make it an experience that would have any cardiologist worth his salt either keel over in shock or rub his hands in glee (depending on the ethics, of course), the Heart Attack Grill serves potato fries cooked in pure lard. And if you're so inclined you can round off the medically nightmarish meal by ordering a can of sugar-loaded Jolt power cola and a pack of Lucky Strike filter-less cigarettes! No wonder one of the perks of being a patron is having a skimpily-dressed waitress in a naughty nurse outfit roll you to your car on a wheelchair.

The restaurant owner claims in his blog (check out heartattackgrill.com) he thought it would be funny to have a hospital theme for a place that serves fare considered bad for health. And the more obese you are, the more likely you are to keep going back because if you tip the scales at over 350 pounds (that's more than 150 kilos!!!), you can eat there for free.

Now, I have never been to the United States. But all the people I know from other parts of the world who have travelled there on work or leisure have reported deep shock at the amount people in that country eat. The portions restaurants there serve have stupefied and intimidated each and every one of these travellers. I have only read and heard about steakhouses that offer not to charge patrons who can finish two-kilo slabs of meat, unassisted, in an hour. But what horrifies me is the fact that hundreds successfully complete these challenges! To my Indian mind (and appetite, which I must confess isn't small by standards in this part of the world), that's something that would definitely lead to death by steak. Or burger. Chew on that!

The Ostrich-isation of Oz

Oz is in denial. It is just not a good time for Australia. On the one hand it is battling a swine flu epidemic that is washing ashore mostly in the form of cruise ship passengers, and on the other is watching its reputation being torn to shreds over a spate of attacks on Indian students that the victims allege are racially motivated.

What shocks Indians like me the most is the Australian government's stubborn refusal to acknowledge that at least some of the attacks are obvious outcomes of racial hatred. Certainly brings to mind the image of an ostrich doing what it does best in a sandy patch. With all due respect to the authorities, but so many sudden attacks on brown-skinned folks can't possibly be "opportunistic" crimes. I find it hard to believe that struggling Indian students have suddenly become mugger-magnets.

The only official so far to concede a possible racial motive in some cases has been Victorian state police chief Simon Overland. But then he also added that a few of the attacks were "opportunistic".

Back in India, most of us had no idea that Indians were being targeted until late last month when we read about a student being stabbed with a screwdriver and left battling for his life. Soon after came the petrol bombing of another Indian student's home in Sydney. Only now are we learning from news reports that such assaults have been fairly common for several years, especially in and around Melbourne. But it appears the frequency and hate quotient have dramatically risen since the end of May.

News reports suggest that victims of attacks before May 2009 hestitated going to the police to press charges for fear of losing any chance of making a future for themselves in Australia. Some have even alleged that the police simply refused to record the crimes.

I appreciate Prime Minister Kevin Rudd's appeal for calm and request to refrain from doling out vigilante justice, but he must understand that the Indian student community - which is reported to be about 90,000 strong - is angry, vulnerable and probably a little scared.

These are young people. You push them, they will push back. So use of excessive force trying to break up their protests is probably not the way to win their confidence. Maybe you should sit down and talk to them. Hear them out. And please stop burying your head in the sand Australia. It is perhaps time to recognise that you might have a racial problem on your hands.

Watch and whine

As I type this, my kids are sitting behind me watching a Japanese animation series dubbed in Hindi. I can't tell you just how ridiculous it sounds, especially because the young voiceover artistes are for some incomprehensible reason encouraged to speak like whiny, inarticulate brats. What especially gets on my nerves are the inane "aaaa-aaah-waaah" sounds that seem to punctuate the dialogue ever so often. And the tone of speech! You have to watch one of these to understand what I am talking about.

Lots has been written and spoken about violence in cartoon films and their effect on a child's psyche and behaviour. All true. As the mother of two boys I can personally vouch for the fact that watching such programmes definitely triggers aggression in children. There was a phase when my kids watched such junk regularly and all play in those days involved some form of violence. Finally I banned the Power Rangers, Eon Kids and others of their ilk in the animation world from our home. The effect was almost immediate.

But I don't think parents have yet realised the danger from other seemingly harmless foreign shows. The anything but carefully thought out vernacular voiceovers to these programmes seem to be rapidly affecting children's temperaments and speech patterns.

In the past few months my kids have developed this horribly grating, whiny way of speaking. Initially I couldn't figure out where this was coming from. I merely had to question them about something they'd done and they would start moaning, screaming and complaining. Now I know why. It's the dubbed drivel on television. So now viewing of the offending shows has been severely curtailed. The boys' summer break from school ends this week and I couldn't be happier. At least their television viewing will dramatically shrink back to an hour or two a day. But they still haven't stopped speaking in that irritating manner. It might take months more to completely undo the damage.

Would someone tell the Indian arms of Cartoon Network, Nick and Pogo to please choose the shows they air more carefully. I'm not sure who does the voiceovers, but they certainly need to reassess their approach. Please understand that the tone used in these nonsensical shows could negatively influence speech in an entire urban generation. If things aren't checked soon, we could end up with a nation full of young whiners. God help us then!